


in another life

by figtree



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Bittersweet, Canon Compliant, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Soulmate Things, What could've been vs what they're left with, hylt era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:47:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25183513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/figtree/pseuds/figtree
Summary: “i just,” chaeyoung rubs her palms together, “how do you just say that kind of thing?”lisa shrugs, “i just try to say things i mean.”she says it as if it’s that simple.- if things were different they would have given it a shot. but they aren't, and chaeyoung has to find a way to live with that.
Relationships: Lalisa Manoban | Lisa/Park Chaeyoung | Rosé
Comments: 20
Kudos: 114





	in another life

**Author's Note:**

> title from katy perry's /best/ song, the one that got away.

“what would you be doing if you weren’t artists?” the voice booms through the auditorium “if you didn’t become blackpink?”

chaeyoung digs her nails into the skin of her palm. in the corner of her eye, lisa’s standing back straight in an expensive black dress, nodding as jennie gives her answer.

lisa acts surprised even though it’s the same story they’ve heard regurgitated for four years now. chaeyoung knows the reactions are fake but the way lisa’s eyebrows raise and her mouth forms a perfect ‘o’ it’s stupid how charming she still is.

jennie passes lisa the mic. lisa’s good at being in front of the camera, they all are now. so only chaeyoung would notice the split second longer she takes to bring the mic to her lips, how she licks her lips before talking.

“actually, rosie and i probably would have met anyway, in australia” she chuckles, quieter than her real laugh.

her real laugh is much higher. if you say something particularly funny, she’ll clap or turn to slap the unfortunate person who happens to be nearest her. chaeyoung always pretends she hates it.

lisa tells them how she would have studied abroad, probably in australia. she recites the story the way they rehearsed, perfect, not a word out of place.

chaeyoung nods, smiles when needed. she only looks at lisa once but it terrifies her, the way lisa looks back at her, eyes painfully soft as if she’s scared anything else would break her.

——

_a bell rings as chaeyoung leads lisa through the door. she wrings her hands together. as they approach the counter, chaeyoung whispers, “i know it doesn’t look like much– “_

_lisa’s already shaking her head, smiling at her as she whispers back, “it looks great.” she pulls chaeyoung’s hands apart and slides a hand into hers, squeezing softly._

_“is that roseanne I see?” a deep voice calls out before a man rounds the corner, smile as wide as his eyes._

_chaeyoung beams back, “you remember me?”_

_“i can’t belive my favourite customer thinks i would forget her.” the man’s eyes soften, “thursday nights have felt empty without you.”_

_he clears his throat, “now what can I get for you?”_

_“just the usual, I think.”_

_“and for your friend?” the man turns to Lisa, gaze curious._

_lisa turns to chaeyoung who quietly nods at her. “i’ll get what she’s getting,” lisa says slowly._

_the man looks at chaeyoung, then at lisa, and then back at chaeyoung. he types in their order, a tiny smile tugging at his lips. “great choice,” he mumbles before looking up, “your food will be ready in just a moment.”_

_“mmm this is delicious!” lisa eyes are bulging so much they look like they could fall out of her head._

_“i know,” chaeyoung laughs, “i told you so.”_

_lisa slurps up another spoonful, this time squeezing her eyes shut and chewing slowly._

_“why are you smiling at me like that?” lisa has swallowed. her lips are spread across her face as if she already knows the answer._

_“what?” chaeyoung responds “i didn’t know i was smiling.”_

_“it’s okay. it was cute.”_

_chaeyoung feels her own eyes go wide now._

_lisa chuckles and stuffs her face again. “hurry up and eat your food’s going to get cold.”_

_chaeyoung looks down at the bowl of noodles sitting untouched in front of her. she grabs her spoon._

_as she eats, under the table lisa’s knees bump against hers._

_chaeyoung looks around at the couple in the other corner of the restaurant and the family to her side. all of them engrossed in their own conversations._

_lisa’s still making faces as she finishes the bowl of soup. chaeyoung smiles into her chest._

_afterwards, chaeyoung pulls lisa as they spill out onto the streets._

_“my friends and I used to walk through here after school,” chaeyoung says, eyes lingering on the owl in the bottom right-hand corner of the window of the corner shop._

_she thinks about lisa, eyes closed, smelling the lavender candles in store before last, how she giggled when the store owner approached to rub a similarly scented soap into her palms. she remembers how in the bookshop lisa’s fingers dragged across the wooden shelves, how encased by a sea of oak and leather it was almost as if her home were not half the world away, but here._

_they turn a corner. chaeyoung glances up at the strings of lights that hang across the alleyway, at the streamers that hang from the sides. she tries not to wince when she asks, “you now when you called me cute earlier?”_

_“yeah?” lisa is walking on the edge of the footpath as if on a tightrope._

_“what did you mean?”_

_lisa finally looks up. “what do you mean ‘what did i mean’? i meant you were cute.”_

_“i just,” chaeyoung rubs her palms together, “how do you just say that kind of thing?”_

_lisa shrugs, “i just try to say things i mean.”_

_she says it as if it’s that simple._

_“hey what’s that?” lisa points at the end of the street, where coloured lights dance across the floor._

_then she seizes chaeyoung’s hand and she runs. chaeyoung barely has time to blink. she laughs as she’s pulled along. she looks over at lisa. lisa’s hair is swept up into the air as she smiles into the wind._

————

they pose for pictures. chaeyoung asks to see the pictures before they leave. on the screen, lisa stands next to her. they look good together. chaeyoung sighs. they look happy.

the cars come to take them home.

lisa smiles at her, puts her hand on her arm. “you did well today.”

chaeyoung manages a smile back, “thanks, you too.”

rain splatters against the window. clouds crowd the skies with grey. lisa’s hand remains on her arm. chaeyoung doesn’t have the strength to push her off.

they get back to their dorms and chaeyoung retreats to her room. she walks fast enough so she doesn’t have to see the way lisa’s face falls when she walks away and closes the door behind her.

——

_the sun is red._

_chaeyoung’s soundchecks usually finish in time for her to watch the sun set. this was her last one before leaving australia. she stands alone, looking out of the stadium’s towering windows._

_this is what she had always wanted, she made it._

_but life is cruel. of course she knew there would be a price if she did succeed, she just didn’t know how heavy._

_somewhere in the back of her mind she can hear the music from lisa’s solo has stopped. she closes her eyes. when she opens them lisa is standing beside her, her face glowing underneath the burnt sun._

_she knows lisa is there to collect her, so they can practise the last of their setlist but for a moment they just stand there. chaeyoung leans into the shoulder of the woman she can no longer deny she loves._

_she knows she can never have her, not in the way she wants. at least she’s had this, she supposes. at least she doesn’t have to wonder anymore, what it would have been like, if lisa would fit in, if her home could have been lisa’s too._

_it will probably make it harder going back to korea; going back to restraining certain parts of herself, back to feeling on edge every time she goes out in public, back to pretending she doesn’t love lisa and lisa doesn’t love her back._

_but right now that doesn’t matter, right now it’s all okay._

_____

chaeyoung sinks into her bed. she watches as the sun crawls up the walls. the walls turn a violent blue before they turn black. now she lays in the dark.

“did something happen?” jisoo’s voice is muffled by the door.

“it’s fine.” lisa says, “she’s just been distant ever since we came back from australia.”

the walls are too thin. chaeyoung digs into her pocket for her earphones.

“she’ll come back to me eventually, I think,” lisa says.

chaeyoung is too slow. in between plugging her ears and turning the music on she hears lisa’s voice falter, “she has to, right?”

when chaeyoung comes out of her room, lisa’s sitting in the dark watching tv. she looks small, alone on the couch, blue light flickering across her cheeks.

chaeyoung wants to be brave, like lisa. she lowers herself onto the couch, the cushion sinking beneath her.

lisa looks surprised. she reaches for the remote but chaeyoung stops her.

“you can keep watching,” chaeyoung tells her.

they sit together in the dark. chaeyoung leans into lisa, she rests her head upon her shoulder. eventually she feels lisa relax. she listens to lisa breathe evenly beside her.

when the program ends chaeyoung decides it’s time. she sits up.

“lisa, i’m sorry.” she hadn’t meant for her voice to shake this much.

lisa’s confusion only seems to last a second before she shushes chaeyoung and squeezes her shoulder. chaeyoung doesn’t understand how lisa still manages to be so kind.

“it’s okay,” lisa says, smiling softly.

chaeyoung shakes her head, “no, i need to say it, lisa i–“

she chokes up.

“it’s okay,” lisa pulls chaeyoung into her chest, a warm hand moving steadily up and down chaeyoung’s back. “whenever you’re ready. i’m here.”

\------

_“are you sure you know the way?” lisa chuckles as chaeyoung pauses under a street sign for the second time that night._

_“of course” chaeyoung scowls, biting her lip before a rogue smile can escape._

_“–because I can just pull up google maps.”_

_chaeyoung smacks lisa on the arm, grumbling about how ridiculous it would be to need directions to her own house._

_she peers down the road, ignoring lisa as she whines about how her arm has been injured, maybe even broken and what if she never dances again? whatever would they do then? chaeyoung sees in the distance a streetlamp flickering._

_chaeyoung grins and yanks at lisa who’s still clutching at her arm, dragging her across the road._

_eventually lisa stops carrying on. eventually chaeyoung’s hand slides down to rest in lisa’s._

_leaves brush together in the wind. their shoes clack against the footpath. somewhere, a dog barks._

_“do you think it would have worked?” lisa asks. when chaeyoung looks at her, eyes furrowed she tries again, “do you think_ we _would have worked?”_

_chaeyoung’s mouth runs dry. lisa has a knack for knowing the things chaeyoung’s too scared to say and then saying them anyway. chaeyoung accidentally takes a few steps too quickly. lisa curls her fingers around chaeyoung’s, before they can slip out of her grip._

_chaeyoung doesn’t know how she’s supposed to respond: why would you ask that, please don’t, you know i hate that question,_

_(i really think we would have)._

_instead, she laughs over her shoulder, “i would have made you the happiest woman alive.”_

_lisa doesn’t snicker like chaeyoung expects her to. she doesn’t slap chaeyoung’s arm. her face is still, like water, steady under the moon._

_“yeah,” she says, “you would have.”_

**Author's Note:**

> honestly have no idea where this came from i just saw a tweet that said if they hadn't been idols they would have given it a go and that devastated me
> 
> actually also i want to say - one line is heavily influenced by [if you're sorry, come to me by citrusflower](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24605782) you should definitely check it out
> 
> pretty major revision posted nov so if you've read it before and are wondering why things seem different it's because they are haha!


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